2022.10.18
FAO: All Employees and Contractors.
As you are all I'm sure aware over the last six months, we at □□□□□□□□□□ □□□□□□□□ have endeavored to improve staff satisfaction via the replacement of traditional conveniences with those which accept alternative currency and payment methods, to save our employees and guests' money while in our offices.
Since the adoption of the Entropic Coffee Machine, workplace accidents have increased sharply. While I'm sure we all appreciate the effect of being able to generate Coffee through the expenditure of personal energy instead of traditional fiat currency, I have observed a sharp increase in instances of employees losing phase with our preferred plane of existence. I have observed persons within immediate vicinity of the machine in a state of dimensional incongruence with that of their surroundings.
I am certainly pleased that we have been able to provide deliciously hot coffee and other beverages to staff without the hassle of fumbling with change or NFC devices, however, the rate at which we have been misplacing individuals has increased sharply. There have even been suggestions amongst the management team that misuse of the ECM is a means via which an employee may skive off and shirk their responsibilities. While I find it hard to accept that anyone would risk their ongoing existence to such a trivial end, nevertheless we must sadly now consider this a possibility.
Even more grave are the reports we have been receiving that individuals who have been abusing the ECM to traverse dimensions have not been the same upon their return. While they appear outwardly to been the same individual that left, we are convinced via our standard measurements they are not.
As such we find it necessary to impose a monitor to manage the proper use of the ECM until all the correct members of staff can be accounted for. Department managers, please ensure a rota is in place between yourselves to ensure someone is available to monitor the machine at all times.
Regards, T